Week 7: Moving Forward
Recognizing the gift and the giver
As we reach the end of our trans-forming workshop, we see the hope and beauty ahead. Our community gathered around the zoom screen has struggled to learn new language and grammar and ask hard questions. We have been stretched theologically and we have been stretched relationally. But today we see the promise that lies behind all this: the gift of trans and non-binary inclusion.
Brittany started us off with a beautiful spiritual practice: a loving kindness meditation that focuses on giving and receiving love broadly and unconditionally– for those who are easy to love and those who are difficult, for those who agree with us, and those with whom we disagree.
This led naturally to our discussion of the gifts that trans and non-binary members bring to the table when they are allowed to come with their full selves. Tara Soughers observes that If we exclude the trans community "Our congregations might be a lot more comfortable, but we would be missing their gifts. We would miss the individual gifts that God has given each and every one of them. We would also miss the gift that God gave to the trans community for our sake, for in their diversity, their challenge to binary forms of gender, they call us to imagine God in ways that break us out of those binary boxes in which we have tried to stuff not only humankind, but God as well. They remind us that human beings, made in the image and likeness of a God who cannot be fully comprehended by human beings, are also complex, mysterious, and beyond our attempts to simplify them into easily managed categories. Most of all, trans people challenge us to live up to Christ's admonition to love one another…
"Acknowledging that trans people are indeed made in God's image and likeness and that we are called to love them as we are called to love all of Gods' children is one of God's gifts in our time. May we learn to truly love one another, for love—all love—is from God, who is Love."
Turning to Scripture, we look at the story of the lost sheep in Luke 15:1-7. Like most parables, it's counter-intuitive and counter-cultural. We are so prone to counting heads and thinking about "the greatest good for the greatest number." Even (or especially) in our churches where resources are stretched thin and the need is great.
But what Jesus is telling us in this story is not just that the lost sheep is important—they are! But it's more than that—its about the wellbeing of the flock as a whole. The flock is more than just the sum of the parts. Jesus is telling the flock—and us— that we need each other. We cannot thrive if we're not whole. We are diminished when one part is absent, whether "lost" or pushed out.
And so, as we turn in this final session from the theoretical to the practical, we are reminded that this is not "charity work." This is the work of enhancing and enriching the entire community. Tara Soughers writes, "Many churches are becoming much more welcoming for members of the trans community, and God knows we need to become more welcoming. But it is not enough simply to welcome. To welcome them into our congregations is to imply somehow that this is our church: we are the hosts and they are guests. To place them in the role of guests is to require them to behave in socially acceptable ways and to follow the rules of the house they are visiting. To welcome them as quests is to keep them separate and contained. To welcome them as guests is to state, although perhaps more nicely than we do many other times, that they are not related to us. If we really believe, however, that they, like all of us, are made in the image and likeness of God, then they are not our guests, and we are not their hosts. God is the host, and all of us are God's family, gathered around the dinner table. There are always people we are less comfortable with at large family gatherings.. We manage to put up with their flaws and faults, as they so graciously put up with ours."
Practical steps in moving forward
So what can we do to make this dream a reality? Hartke gives us several practical steps we can take to move forward. The idea is not to try to tackle them all at once—that might be overwhelming—but rather to choose one thing, one faithful step forward, at a time.
Church assessment:
But first, we begin with assessment. Before we move forward we have to see honestly where we are beginning. And so Hartke gives us five key questions we can ask to assess where we are beginning in our churches. I suggest you give your faith community a score on a scale of 0-5—with 5 indicating you are doing well on all five indicators. Do this not as a point of guilt or shame, but rather as a starting point so you can measure your progress.
1. What steps has your community taken to become more knowledgeable about gender identity and trans experience?
2, What kinds of spaces has your community made for internal conversations about gender identities and welcoming transgender members?
3. Has your community written any kind of statement of welcome or affirmation that explicitly includes trans and gender-expansive people?
4. Is your community part of a nation-wide LGBTQI2A affirmation program (e.g. Reconciling Works Lutherans, More Light Presbyterian, Covenant Network of Presbyterians, Reconciling Ministries Network United Methodists, Welcoming and Affirming Baptists, or Call to Action Catholics)?
5. What concrete steps is your community taking each week, month or year to support transgender and gender-expansive people?
Suggestions for faith communities:
Hartke then makes a number of suggestions to help churches get started in becoming an inclusive faith community. As you read them, ask yourself: Which of these resonated? Which would be hardest? Are there any you would add? Invite your pastor and church leader, along with members of the trans and nonbinary community, into those conversations. Together, choose a first step to begin moving forward. You can read the full list on pg 206-207 (p. 171 in the 1st ed), but here's a sampling:
• Create an advocacy group in your church that will commit to dialogue with your denominational governing board about trans inclusion
• Hold a liturgy for Transgender Day of Remembrance (Nov. 20) and celebrate Trans Day of Visibility (Mar. 31)
• Offer continuing ed classes on topics related to gender and gender identity
• Have a presence at your nearest LGBTQI2A Pride celebration
• Encourage participation and leadership of transgender people in the life of the church
• Have prayers and/or liturgy available for name changes, preparation for surgery, preparation for hormone therapy and coming out/inviting in
• Create a gender-neutral restroom in your church building
• Use inclusive language for the congregation (e.g. siblings in Christ rather than brothers and sisters) in sermons, liturgies, bulletins and fliers
• Use gender-expansive language for God
• Make sure all church leaders—youth leaders especially—have had some training on gender diversity so they can respond compassionately and knowledgably when a transgender person visits or an existing member comes out.
• Include stories of gender minorities like the ones found in Hartke's book in your youth curricula to help trans youth connect to their faith
Suggestions for individuals:
We can work individually as well as corporately. Hartke also gives suggestions to help us as individuals support our trans and nonbinary friends and loved ones. Again, as you read them, ask yourself: Which of these resonated? Which would be hardest? Are there any you would add? Without pressure, invite your trans and nonbinary friends, if they're willing, to help you choose a first step. You can read the full list on pg 208-9 (p. 172 in the 1st ed), but here's a sampling:
• Educate yourself on the basics, and then keep going! Hartke's book is a good start but scholarship is growing– there's always more to learn.
• Always use someone's correct name and pronouns. If you're not sure what pronouns someone uses, just ask. If you make a mistake, apologize, correct yourself and move on—no need to make a big deal. Practice pronouns that are new to you.
• Read the work of transgender educators, theologians, and justice workers (see suggestions in Hartke's book)
• Think about how you use gendered language in your everyday life. Consider moving from gendered greetings like "good morning ladies" to "good morning folks"
• If you hear someone speaking negatively about a transperson because of their gender identity, consider stepping in and explaining why that's not OK.
• Be vocal in your support so people around you know its all right to express their own support or even to come out
• Don't out someone by talking about their trans identity with others
• Get involved in policy change, and stay aware of possible trans-exclusionary laws in your state and local government
• Offer to help transgender people navigate possible unsafe spaces like bathrooms and locker rooms. Sometimes having a buddy with you is the difference tween a fun night out and a trip to hospital
• Donate to organizations that help transgender people get access to affordable medical care, housing, safe jobs and legal advice. Bonus points if the organization is led by trans people.
Suggestions for trans & non-binary folks:
Hartke concludes on a tender and caring note, with suggestions for trans and non-binary folks to practice self-care:
• Give yourself permission to give and receive love from others, God and yourself, Connect with a community where you can receive love and support.
• Read the Psalms—a prayer book for every possible emotion or experience, to remind you that you're not alone.
• Practice Sabbath—you spend so much time educating others and navigating life. Take time each day to rest, journal, pray, and unplug from the bad news you see on news and social media.
• Find a dialogue partner. Don't get stuck in your own head, find someone to help you think things through and get another perspective. A friend, therapist, spiritual director, pastor, or even a journal. Ask the scary questions.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help. TransLifeline: 877/565-8860 in US and 877/330-6366 in Canada. Also Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org)
Hartke writes: "So what happens when transgender Christians are able to flourish and find community, and when churches are able to see the gifts that those trans Christians bring? First, the rates of violence against transgender people fall, because Christian groups are no longer advocating trans-exclusionary viewpoints and legislation. Then, the minority stress that transgender people experience weakens, because they live amid a community that supports them spiritually, physically, and emotionally. People who once walked away from Christianity because of the church's negative treatment of LGBTQ+ individuals begin to come back, curious about the way grace is showing up in the midst of resurrected relationships… The church grows, the gospel spreads, kids get to grow up in love and in safety, and justice begins to roll down like water.
"More importantly, when transgender Christians are accepted and celebrated in Christian communities, the Good Shepherd's flock is put back together, and we once again become more than the sum of our parts. We get a preview of God's kingdom here on earth, and Luke 15 tells us there is rejoicing in heaven. We say yes, individually and communally, to the love of God that seeks to bind us together, and we are transformed."
And Tara Soughers shares this wisdom: "When I am afraid, or when I am tempted to despair, I look for those whose love of God and love of other people reminds me that the nature of God is love… One day I pray that the world my truly know that we are Christians by our love."
Resources:
Here are some trusted resources as you move forward (found on our haven website as well):
General resources
Glossary of terms: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Suicide prevention: The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org)
Parental support: Serendipitydodah/ MamaBears Facebook page
The Genderbread Person (genderbread.org)
Advocacy: https://pflag.org/
Transgender and Non-binary Gender Identity
Beyond Pink and Blue workshop
Jennifer Finney Boylan: She's Not There: a Life in Two Genders.
SAP Netflix special by Mae Martin
Season 8, episode 5 of Call the Midwife on Netflix on intersex persons
Gender-inclusive pronouns: ttps://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns/
Finding an Affirming Church
https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/
Homework assignment and an invitation
As we close our time together, we have one final homework assignment—and an invitation. Outline the steps you will take this week to begin implementing a trans-affirming change in your church or individually. Include deadlines, tasks, people to involve, etc. Remember to ask the gender-expansive people in your community to take positions of leadership and to offer feedback if they'd like to, but don't pressure them. Know that these steps can change people's lives and transform your whole community for the better.
It has been such a joy and privilege to walk with this community the last seven weeks. I would love to continue the journey with you in whatever way is useful for you. Haven offers three workshops throughout the year, we would love for you to join us if you are interested and available—and to spread the word to others you think might be open to them. Each meets on Monday nights via zoom at 7 pm PST. You can sign up a month ahead of each one at havensgv.org.
Inspired: Jan. 20–Mar. 18: Reading the Bible and asking hard questions
When it comes to the Bible, many of us, Christians and atheists alike, have been stuck in a false binary—either it is all literal or it is all make-believe. Some of us have big, big questions about things in the Bible we're afraid to ask. This workshop is about asking the hard questions together. We will be reading Inspired by the late Rachel Held Evans. It's a beautifully written book that will challenge us to go deep, and find new meaning in troubling passages. We will discover new ways to think about, interpret, and read the Bible—ones that help us find the beauty and sacred presence within these ancient stories. I think you'll enjoy Evan's style and honesty– and be inspired to think of faith in new ways. Invite a friend and join us!
Holding Faith/Holding Family: April 1–May 20: LGBTQ inclusion
Many devout Christians struggle to understand their church's position on LGBTQIA+. Their powerful experiences of God's radical love seems inconsistent with the exclusion they have been told the Bible teaches. This struggle is particularly acute for parents and loved ones of queer youth. They may feel torn between two great loves. This workshop will provide resources to consider another perspective, and hope for reconciling this divide.
Blessing
Madeleine L'Engle wrote “We draw people to Christ not by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it.”
May you reflect the beautiful light of Jesus' broad and inclusive, boundary-breaking love.
Loving God, We lift the concerns of our heart, because we know you care about all these things—our communities, our families, our friendships.
We pray for those who struggle with shame. Who feel they need to hide who they are. Who may not feel safe at school or sometimes even in their own homes. We pray for their protection. We pray for their hearts. We pray that they might know that they are worthy, beautiful, and loved. We pray that we might be someone who shows and reflects that to them.
As we bring all that we have learned close to our hearts, I ask that you draw near. I pray that our faith may become real as we lean into the truth of who you are.
In Jesus' name, Amen.